When I arrived in Pasay area, I immediately looked for the nearest comfort room (yes, Filipinos use comfort room instead of rest rooms which many foreigners say is the more proper term) to relieve myself from discomfort. Actually, I was preventing myself from peeing on my pants while inside the bus.

The nearest CR that I found was in a mall.

I immediately went to get inside the CR but was prevented by a lady seated on a desk just right on the entrance. A little placard says “P5.00 for use of CR”. What duh! I grudgingly took a 5-peso coin on my purse and zoomed inside to pee.

Yeah baby! This is nirvana!

The comfort room looked decent, smell good and more importantly, it was clean. Quite a steal, told myself.

As I went out wearing a sheepish smile on my face, that same lady standing on the entrance of the comfort room offered me an alcogel in a small sachet. Got one, and then seemingly went back to my senses. I murmured, “Man, that was 5 pesos slashed off my budget.”

The operator of the mall was certainly making lots of money by operating comfort rooms alone.

But of course, that was not the last time that I looked for a comfort room in a public area that day.

Used a comfort room in a MRT station – eewwww!

Used a comfort room in a prominent university – heavenly!

I also used a comfort room inside a bus terminal before going home.

The CR was located in a tiny passageway on the left side of the bus terminal. And this time, you have to pay different prices for the use of this CR depending on what you are going to do there: P5 when you are just going to pee on a makeshift wall with flowing water and P10 when you want to drop the A-bomb on Hiroshima.

Unlike the one in the mall, this comfort room is sick, so sick! I don’t know why it was even called a comfort room, when you cannot help but close your eyes when you are peeing and feel rather an added discomfort.

Still, I peed there, and paid the one guarding the area another P5 because there is no choice; it was the only CR nearest the bus station.

Unlike the one inside the mall: there was no alcogel. Arg.

I am pretty sure that I am not the only one who experienced this one: looking for a public comfort room and then be surprised that you have to pay for its use.

Yes, there are comfort rooms inside the malls, on government offices, and many other establishments that are asking for a fee before one can use it. And that sucks man!

But choosing between using comfort rooms on these areas for a fee or peeing on those pink and blue MMDA urinals located alongside the nationals roads to be seen by the plying motorists; I would have to choose the former.

The lack of clean and decent public comfort rooms in the country is something that has been overlooked by the government that is too busy for kickbacks and looking for a wife for the President.

But if we really want to clean up this country’s mess, then I guess that also needs to be done literally.

Photo credit: webnebber.com

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And the bad news for all those who gambled, one bettor from Luzon is by now smiling from ear to ear on his way to the bank.  PCSO disclosed that the winner is Jose Pidal.  Just kidding, that was a bad joke.

The good news though is that, those who had not won the jackpot were spared the agony of being more than P700-million richer.  But of course there will always be people who would rather want to agonize being a millionaire than agonize the daily with empty stomachs.

You got it, I lied.  I did not win it.  And I am pretty sure, so are you.  (smiling)

I was thinking for days of what if I win the Grand Lotto jackpot; what will I do with it?  What will my life be?

I was thinking:  if I win the jackpot, at least I don’t need to aspire anymore of fighting the likes of Marquez, Hatton, Cotto, Clottey, Margarito and hopefully Mayweather.  I am just damn too old to make run for a career in boxing at 26.  And of course, be spared the agony of having my Mom taking a showbiz career; singing with Imelda Papin and joining the next season of America’s “Dancing With The Stars” all dressed up like someone attending a dreaded high school prom.

Being P700 million richer could be a bad dream instead of a nirvana, at least for me personally.  The amount is just too big for comfort.  Man, maybe all the strikers of Abu Sayaff, MILF, and notorious gangs including the bad men in uniform all planning to make a monthly if not weekly kidnap-for-ransom plot on me.

That is the odd thing with getting richer; especially on getting so rich so quick:  the more you get lots of money, the more that you lose your freedom, your security.

You will have more security aides, tall walls, sophisticated alarm system in your mansions and a more cautious self.  You may not be able to enjoy anymore the simple joys of life like eating fish ball on a crowded street without the secret agents shoving all suspicious-looking folks away from you.  Of course, Warren Buffet is one big exception to this.

If I have won it, the possibilities are endless for spending.  But maybe I am just too afraid to lose my freedom and the beauty of enjoying life’s simple pleasures because of getting too rich too quick.  I am a simple man who enjoys simple joys, and maybe I am not yet ready to simply give up all these luxuries.

But winning P100 million will I guess change my mind. (devilish smile)

Off to you guys.  What will you do if you won the P700 million lotto jackpot?  What will be the significant changes in your life?

Photo credit: Cartoon Stock

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This is also the biggest lotto jackpot in Philippine history that even Senators and plunderers are lining up to try their luck on the coveted 6-winning number combination.  Talking about sheer greed huh…(mahina yata raket sa gobyerno ngayun kaya pati Lotto tinitira, LOL!)

Observation…

I was in a mall hours before the draw of the 6/55 last Wednesday.  A local betting station is full of people and the line was too long, too tiresome for me to put my bet.  Now you know that I will easily surrender to laziness than take a chance on winning the jackpot.

Many people were lining up; the usual bettors on their ordinary shirts and pants.  But most of those I saw lining up were people who were in long sleeves with shinning neck tie and people on blue-collar jobs.

Wheew!

The next day, I went to buy some grocery items and the raffle was for the 6/42 which has a jackpot price of more than 3 million pesos.  To my astonishment, so few were the people who were lining up that those people receiving the bets could just sleep all day on their stations without getting scolded by their boss.

A neighbor told me:  “I will not bet with just 3 million pesos on the pot.  I will be after the hundreds of millions instead.”

Wow, people nowadays will wager on a 29-million-into-1 chance than that of the 6/42 with 3.4-million-into-1 chance.

Wow, really!

This lotto jackpot of more than 300 hundred million as my co-worker shared has instantly raised the standards of Pinoys.  People will not bet anymore when the pot is just an ungenerous 3 million pesos!  But if we are to ask them how much do they have in their pockets, some of them would maybe respond that they’ve got none.

Off to my tips now on how to win it….Excited?  Betcha…

Actually, I don’t know.

First tip…

Some people say that all you have to do is practice the untapped power of the universe by using positive thinking.  All you have to do is put into your whole consciousness, in your mind and in your heart that “you will win.”  And the whole universe will conspire for you to get your heart’s desire.

Unfortunately, every bettor is also positively thinking.  Everyone who lined to get the 6/55 jackpot are resolved that they will win.  The very reason that they are lining up is because they are thinking of winning it.  Now, with everyone else thinking and commanding the whole universe for them to win, for sure the whole universe is already suffering from a diarrhea of positivity.

Who will the universe follow?  Maybe Albert Einstein knows.

Second tip…

Pray.  Pray hard.  This could be a religious way of expressing your positive thinking attitude.  As the scriptures say, “Ask and you shall receive.”

A bishop is condemning lotto for it is also gambling.  But some priests are including in their mass their personal intention of winning the jackpot themselves.  Just kidding, Bishop…or maybe not.

Unfortunately, everyone is also praying.  And whose prayer God will answer?  That is something that we don’t know.  Maybe a winner could not even have prayed to God or does not believe in a God.

Third tip…

Inquirer.net published an article today saying that only about 25 percent of the total number combinations have bets on them and still about 75 percent of all number combinations did not receive a single bet.  In simple terms, PCSO is telling us, “That is the big reason why the jackpot is just pilling up morons!”

Now, in order for you to win, you have to place your bet on all the 28.9 million number combinations.  My calculator says that, it will cost you about P580 million.

Unfortunately, no one has that amount, except Jose Pidal and Imelda Marcos.  And even if you have that amount, the jackpot is just P400 million, and would still leave you P180 million poorer.

Last…

Then everything for me boils down to sheer “luck”.  The winner for sure will be one heck of a lucky man!

I think, it will be all about luck, nothing more, nothing less.

There are two problems in this world according to that same co-worker I mentioned a while ago:  the one with no money (problematic on how to look for money) and the one with lots of money (problematic on how spend it).  But as he said, he does not bother to be the latter.  Well, same here.  And I know most of you too.  Don’t be hypocrites, hahahahaha!

Now, if starting Saturday night you will not hear anything from me anymore on this blog, for sure I am already on some Caribbean Island so problematic on how to spend my P410 million.

Har, har, har!

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Well, weeks a go I shared about my love of choosing to be on the front seat of the jeepney and solicited some thoughts from readers of why do many Filipinos love to be on the front seat.  With such a question, I’ve got this interesting comment from CamilleDL:

“think because there is less chance that you will inhale smoke from cigarettes. Unless the driver is also one of the smokers )LOL. Hahah.

I just want to share this one with you. I’ve noticed that almost all of the jeepneys that I see when going to school have those stickers saying “100 % smoke free”. I feel so happy every time i encounter those jeepneys… but I got irritated one time when I rode a jeep where this sticker is also posted. The driver was accompanied by his wife and THEY WERE BOTH SMOKING!! )=) LOL.”

Agree, unless the driver himself is one big smoke belcher, then you better jump off the jeepney to save your life from instant death.

This wonderful comment from CamilleDL made me think as I take a jeepney ride everyday on my way to work:  why is it that despite of all the hanging warnings and posters pasted on the jeepney walls crying out that smoking is prohibited, many are still made to suffer the toxic smoke from commuting cigarette smokers?

I remembered this encounter with a guy who was puffing his cigarette next to me inside the jeepney.  The poster says:  No Smoking!  Yet, that guy seemed not to care as he enjoyed each puff while the person next to him (that is me) was already trying to put out from his bag a breathing apparatus and an oxygen tank.  What I did was to confront the guy and said, “Hey, here is 2 pesos and stop smoking.  Buy yourself another stick of cigarette when you reach your house and puff until you die.  I don’t want to exchange my precious life with your two-peso cigarette!”  And the guy stopped from smoking inside the jeepney.

After that I told myself that the smoke from the cigarette makes me grow some devilish horns and a pointed tail.

I think, with due respect to all those who smoke, people who do not smoke do equally have the right to free themselves from the effects of receiving second-hand smoke which is more dangerous.

Enough of things about me now, I can see some devilish horns starting to grow on my forehead, LOL!

Once again, off to you guys.  Have you experienced such same encounter inside the jeepney wherein some people smoke without a care despite of the sign of “No Smoking” or despite of existing local ordinances prohibiting smoking in public places?  How did you handle such instances?

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As verdant as green fields are the minds of many people on spontaneously injecting green jokes on cozy conversations with friends.

Count me in; a good part of my brain is green.

I love green jokes during casual conversations with close friends and during exchange of text messages with co-workers.  These jokes tickle my fancy and bring in a different kind of laughter and satisfaction than the usual jokes and funny lines I bring in the table. And those who hear them are tickled in a very different way as if each ho-ho-ho is sublimely asking for more.

But green jokes in front of students are of course “no-no”.

Green jokes are bought by those who listen them and enjoyed much by them because maybe I think, a good part of the joke is up to one’s imaginations.  They leave a very wide and open area for mental exploration as the subject of the joke is not directly revealed like the way people imagine what Mona Lisa is actually thinking with her puzzling smile.  Me though, maybe she is listening to a green joke by Leonardo Da Vinci.  It is actually the essence of the joke; let your mind wander to uncharted sexual territories and fancies and be tickled just by the thought of it.

A great part of the joke that makes is so special is because of its obvious sexual nature with which sex we must admit brings a whole new level to cherubic masks we wear.  First, because sex is taboo for many; second these jokes reinforce one’s sexual fancies to some extent.  Green jokes unleashes if not plays with that sexual animal in you.

But I have observed that many of those who are comfortable to sharing green jokes are those who are working as Campus Ministers, Guidance Counselors or religious.  Hmmm…They say, it is because they are comfortable with their sexuality while others say these jokes are indicators of many suppressed feelings and thoughts.  Well, I think it could also be a combination of both.

How about you, do you love cracking or listening to green jokes?  Any thoughts about it?

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On my way home days ago, I waited for a jeepney just outside our university.  Tired, swollen muscles and smelling like a dead meat, I waited and waited.  Just like most Pinoys, we ride the jeepney as our primary means of traveling from one place to another while having a car is most often than not considered a luxury by many than a need.

A good number of jeepney has already passed by me with the usual dynamics:  slowly passing in front of you 5 kms/hr, the driver giving that enticing stare, stopping for a moment silently saying “Get in the damn jeepney for God’s sake!” and then press the gas pedal to leave you with a long trail of poisonous smoke if you are still immovable in your place.

I still waited.  Exactly waited for that perfect jeepney where I can be on the front seat.  15 minutes before I finally chose that lucky jeepney.

I observed that many Pinoys love to be seated in the front seat of the jeepney.  But the front seat of the jeepney is not at all too simple I also observed.  There are those front seat where the seat was actually lifted from that of the car and being seated on this one will crack your butt open especially if there are two of you sharing on this particular jeepney throne.  I personally go away with this one.  There is also this type where the seat is customized and will give two passengers in front a quite comfortable seating position.  This I usually look for.

I don’t exactly know why Pinoys love to be in the front seat of the jeepney.  Here are some theories:

1. Being seated in the front seat of the jeepney is more comfortable both in eyesight and seating position as you see the road right in front of you than twisting your head right into the opening of the window if you are seated inside.
2. It gives you a sense of pride and power being in front as if ahead of other passengers.
3. Just plainly out of sheer want to be seated there.

Well, you can add to that very short list I made as I am pretty sure you have had that experience of choosing to be seated on the front seat of the jeepney than being inside.

Aside from the front seat, there are those, especially the men who would rather choose to hang on the rear end of the jeepney than being seated inside but that I guess deserves another post.

Off to you now.  Any reason why you or most Pinoys love to be at the front seat of the jeepney?

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So what are they exactly doing in Congress?  Here is a snap shot of Rep. Iggy Arroyo so dead tired of working in Congress.

What do you think is Rep. Iggy Arroyo doing?

1. Stretching after a day of not doing anything.  Not doing anything is a very tiresome career too.
2. Dreaming that he is indeed Jose Pidal to get all those monies on Swiss accounts.
3. Sending text jokes to DPWH contractors.
4. Concentrating on how to spend his pork barrel and computing his “tongpats.”
5. In a state on nirvana.

Ok, pass your papers.  What is your answer?

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Since I was so busy this summer, my mom was the one who visited me instead.

One great moment with my mom is her sharing of stories ala-Lola Basyang on the whereabouts of people and relatives in the province to keep me updated:  like my father who had beaten up a very bad young boy; my sister who had to break up with her first boyfriend lest I know it and stop sending her allowance; my brother who is planning to go to Iloilo to pursue his luck on making nude paintings and sculptures; and my uncles who are still with their old ways of spending the afternoons drowning themselves with “tuba” side-by-side grilled catfish and roasted grasshoppers.

But one story that my mom shared to me and never fails to share to me every time she visits me is the update about rumors of “aswangs” in our town.

The new thing she said is that one of our neighbors is an aswang; that they hear the sound of a “tik-tik” during the creeping of the night; and that a pregnant woman most recently died because of an aswang.  And my usual reply?  My usual kind of loud laughter.

Stories about “aswangs” made my pants wet during my childhood days, and now I know that they were all just but stories forcing me to go to bed early.  But these “aswangs” seems to never die, huh.

Though I never believe in “aswangs” and some say belief on them indicates the failure of education; the stories that my mom indefatigably shares to me seems to give me some anchor to where I came from despite the fast-paced life of the urban jungle that venerates facts and figures.  The scary creatures who transform into different kinds of animals and eat the innards of its poor victims give me a sense of rootedness and bond to a culture and life that extols myths and legends to bring about the beauty and simplicity of rural living.

All of us, each region and culture have its own stories and myths and legends that are slowly being eaten away by the prominence of myth busters and science.

But “aswangs” will continue to exist, even on cities and metropolis especially when we try to find some answers to phenomena we cannot explain.

As for my mom, she already went home to Bacolod, and will face the “aswang” with stingray’s tail on hand.

I wonder if “aswangs” do blog and play Farmville too…

Do you believe in “aswangs”?  What were the stories and myths and legends you grew up with that never seems to die even with the prominence of internet and science?

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Binay and Roxas are still battling it out while Noynoy Aquino is reported to be relaxing in Hacienda Luisita puffing his Marlboro classics 2 sticks per minute.  Sister Kris Aquino is said to be already packing her things very much ready to occupy the Malacañang Palace together with her entourage.  Krissy’s BFF Boy Abunda shared too early today that the youngest Aquino sibling is so enthusiastic to redesign the Palace with her favorite angelic figures.

Other Presidentiables already conceded while Jamby Madrigal is still on hunger strike if the Comelec will not declare her the winner.  Same with Nicanor Perlas who stands firm that he can still win as his four volunteers are attesting that their votes are not yet counted by the poll body.  But the firmest of them all is Vitaliano Acosta.  International reporters caught him saying on an interview that he will not yield and is already readying an electoral protest against Jamby Madrigal for stealing his idea of doing a hunger strike.  Second runner-up Erap Estrada is also not yet conceding saying “Di sumusuko ang bida sa pelikula.”

Going back, people are asking how come Binay took on the lead from Roxas and even poised to win the vice-presidency with a 700,000 – 800,000 lead?

The easy answer is Mar Roxas got so comfortable with his early lead on surveys spending the last days of the campaign watching concerts on “The Big Dome” with Korina Sanchez, discounting Jejemon Binay as a big threat.  And while watching the concert of “Tears For Fears” it was reported by the “over-attentive bloggers” that Korina Sanchez was “booed” by the crowd when she was caught by the camera saying “jejebusters rock!” She forgot that all those people who were watching the concert were all “jejemons”.

This silent majority with swollen thumbs and the source of all incomprehensible forwarded messages that makes the world a more complicated place took on the cudgels and rallied behind their man Jejemon Binay.  Some investigative journalists who are also secret “jejemons” witnessed the group’s silent and clandestine gathering at Club Filipino plotting how to deliver the “jejemon” votes for Mayor Jejemon Binay two days before May 10, 2010.

And so when election day came, the “jejemons” came out sending a barrage of automated text messages to their millions of members: “votE foR Bny jEJeM0NS lolz!~”

The Roxas campaign operatives only knew of this a day after the election.  Asked for comment on the sudden surge of Jejemon Binay, Roxas said today,

“From what I understand, a big chunk of the Visayan vote is not yet in. I expect good results from Visayas. Let’s see what happens.  I’m keeping the faith.”

Jejemon Binay on the other hand shared his joy and thanked the “jejemons” for believing in him saying that he will soon fully learn texting the “jejemon way.”  Here is part of the Jejemon Binay’s official statement:

“ThAnkZ 2 OL d JEjEmOnz fOr~ SUPpOrtNG my cANdIdACY p0Wh.~ i Will NoT fAIL u p0wH. JEjEMON ROCks~ LOlZ!~ “

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How was your New Year?  Surely, everyone now is so busy as the holiday vacation abruptly comes to an end and our desks are already waiting for us to work our ass out and replenish are busted wallets and soaring credit card dues.

Going back, how was your New Year?  Complete fingers eh?

Permit me to have some story-telling to shake off what I felt was a little bad luck that was showered on me last New Year’s Eve.  Nah, not really; just some rant.

New Year’s Eve is one of the most special days of the year if not the most bloody day of the year for those who are hard-headed, trying to light a fire cracker on the left hand and then throw the match stick on from right hand.  Boom!  Crazy.

Family members are gathered to reminisce the year that is coming to a close and await with joy, hope and prayers the new year.  It is the presence of one another, of the whole family that makes this night very meaningful, colorful and special.

All of us were busy bodies, preparing everything for New Year’s eve, and surely same with you on your respective homes.  Food, plates, decors, and all; typical on a Filipino household and table.

But lo’ and behold, some people knocked on our door and told us they are relatives; six of them.  No text messages, no calls, no whatsoever.  They just arrived like a tsunami (well, good thing tsunami has an alarm system), a whole family: from grandpas and grandmas to little children.  Yeah, yeah…hospitality, served them everything, service that could rival that of Dubai’s 7-star hotel.  Actually, I haven’t seen them all my life of my entire life…only that night.  Life is full of surprises, even on New Year’s eve.

The conversation and our enthusiasm among my immediate family waned down as midnight was already approaching, firecrackers signaling that New Year is only a couple of minutes away, and they are still there at our home, with another four of them arriving to join the whole gang; siphoning every energy and time that our family had just to serve them with everything we have.  And take note, they wanted just “to be served” like old gluttonous Romans.

Were they relatives?  I tried to look at our family tree and it revealed something:  well, if our family tree is growing as a mango tree on a farm, they are coming from a mahogany tree right from the Mountains of Sierra Madre.  In short, as distant as Andromeda.

And the torment has not yet ended as one by one these people interviewed me like a true Gestapo, asking my full name, my parents, siblings, my work, how much is my salary, short of asking me how long is my large and small intestine combined and that thing bulging right below my belt.

To cut the story short:  they went home past 12 midnight on January 1, 2010, got fed and served well by all of us who were on our goody-goody mood.  And we as a family never felt that it was already New Year as we were all so damn tired.  Many of us already fell asleep into awkward positions not having the traditional family gathering of having a meal together and in “private”.

There is no big deal with relatives or visitors, so long as they tell the host at least they are coming over; and they are also sensitive enough especially on this kind of occasion that a family needs also its time, space and privacy to celebrate.

Ah, that was how  I and my family spent our New Year with some people who just came in like a wind and vanished as soon as we were all like dead meat.  My family and I are still wishing to have another New Year’s Eve one of these days…maybe on a hotel or rented yacht floating on Manila Bay this time around..

So, how about you, how was your New Year celebration?  Nothing but good luck to all of you for 2010!

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