Top Ten Emerging Influential Blogs – The Return of the Darth Vader

July 6th, 2009 → 12:02 pm @ elmot

A pack of dark heavy clouds coming from the east corner of the sky coalesced with the radiant morning sun; until the whole light was covered by the hue of greed and indulgence. Fear enveloped humanity. Everything now was full of darkness and terror.

Slowly, the dark clouds opened up ushering the evil that has once again resurrected from the forgotten part of the vast universe after being vanquished by the Knights on their legendary battle. His black robe and fiery eyes signal the return of the man whose heart was enveloped by the “dark side”. From his eyes, people can clearly see vengeance and thirst for blood; the blood of those who defeated him. Signaling the annihilation of the select race that has thrown him in to a black hole centuries ago, he called out his Cro-Magnon-like minions and summoned them to sow seeds of terror and destruction.

“Bring to me all the Knights. Kill all those who will block your way!”

To this, his minions scattered in all directions of the earth killing innocent lives, destroying everything they could see until they could bring all the Knights to their master.

1. Writing to Exhale: Jan was tweeting, humming tweet tweet when two Cro-Magnon-like creatures appeared before his doorsteps ready to kill him with their deadly crooked swords and sharp fangs. True to his skills as a Knight, he immediately took his armored black helmet and wore his black leather jacket. As one of the monsters tried to strike it’s sword to Jan’s head, he “exhaled” on it hundreds of tweet messages. The monster fell on its knees because of the sheer volume of tweets and Jan instantaneously used his helmet to crush the monster. “@Jan_Geronimo: Right at your back!” A fellow twitter-buddy sent a tweet on his screen and Jan immediately jumped off the window and landed on his scooter. His donorcyle’s engine roared running 20kph off the roads of Mindoro. As the monster ran furiously after him, Jan shifted gear and headed towards the ugly monster and hit it with his 20kph blinding speed. The second monster died and vanished. This knight then tweeted, “I’m all well. Two down, buddies! James Dean here.”

2. The Struggling Blogger: It was a lazy day for Roy who was still brainstorming for posts for his 13 blogs on his cozy sofa that blogging bought, while sipping his own version of steroids: coffee. A good idea suddenly popped up from this spiritual director for his post. But a slimy monster with 15 eyes, 5 hands and 3 feet jumped off the new sofa of this Knight. “I will kill you! Grr!” said the monster. Roy saw how dirty his new sofa now was and got so angry at the despicable sight. He rolled up his sleeves and took the stance of a true warrior. As the monster was ready to pop up one of its ugly bulging toxic eyes, Roy took his hot coffee and poured it over the monster. The monster was burned and screamed to death, and Roy took the opportunity to swat it with his “fully-loaded” mobile phone. “Not on my new sofa, you sucker!”

3. Zorlone: Doc Z was still enjoying his siesta, a sleeping beauty for three hours now. He thought he was only dreaming when a hot chick suddenly turned into an ugly creature. He was still half-naked when he saw that everything is real. The monster with his crooked sword chopped Doc Z’s water-bed into two flooding his room. He then jumped off his nearby CD player and immediately pushed the “play” button. “I will never dance again, guilty feet, got no rhythm.” To this, the monster was in trance and started to dance asking for the aircon to be turned on. Doc Z saw the opportunity to kill the beast and took his laptop; aimed his video cam and took his stethoscope that flashed a laser beam on the monster. Kaboom! “That is what you call a Ghostbuster scandal dude. Kawabangga!”

4. Dear Bloggery: She was out for a break having her vacation on La Luz, Batangas. But the radar of the dark entities was just so strong that they tracked this beauty sun-bathing at the beach front. “You’re hot dear, but Master told us to kill you.” Snow did not quip and just took off her shades to take a good look at the enemy. “You sure?” The monster showed its fangs and jumped off Snow, but she suddenly sprayed it with snow and the ugly creature froze to death. “Now, don’t ever bother my vacation.”

5. Tales From the Mom Side: Dee already knew that some of the Jedi Knights and Lady Warriors were attacked by the minions of Darth Vader courtesy of the endless blow-by-blow tweets of Jan. To this, she and her husband Luke readied themselves. Argg! “We have ugly visitors dear.” said Dee to her “cute” hubby. She readied her laptop with its stars and smiley stickers. When Luke opened the door, bullets and lasers coming off from her smiley and star stickers peppered their ugly visitors. “Don’t ever dare try to go near my laptop and its stickers. Right Luke?” “Aye, aye madam.”

6. Home Buddies: Near their neighborhood people were already screaming and running for their lives. Fedhz just kept still playing with her child. She paused for a while and prayed so hard that her family be spared from all these atrocities. Hours passed by and no monsters ever came near them. But outside a monster was reading a sign posted at Fedhz’s doorstep, “Home Buddy”. The monster was a couch potato. Poof!

7. Social Media Philippines: Rob also heard the news but he just kept his cool on his cubicle. He tried to compose a tweet just in case a monster suddenly attacks him. Kapoow! His officemates fell unconscious after ferocious Cro-Magnon-like creatures barraged at the opposite cubicle. He then immediately sent his tweet. “I am the one you are looking for.” he said. The monster marched forward and one of them wounded Rob on his left arm. Rob stood up and just rubbed off the flowing blood. He took off his shades and fired at them his laser beam like Cyclops. All of a sudden, a “padyak” rammed the other monster from the opposite side of the office killing it with the bladed “padyak wheel”. A familiar man then stood up and told Rob, “Believe me, I was the one who really tweets.” Oh Mr. Palengke in the house!

8. Dare to Speak: It was quite a surprise for Silver to see dark clouds all over her head on high noon. “This is not quite the same weather when I was in our little place Barrio Siete. Ininto man ni nga panahon.” she whispered while reminiscing here old roots. “Waaah!” Ugly creatures crushed her furniture and flowers in her garden. She ran for her dear life not knowing what to do. One monster got hold of her by the hand and not letting her go. “We will crush you and bring you to Darth Vader.” Kling! She suddenly knew what to do. “Hey, I will go with you if you could answer my questions.” The monsters scratched their heads and replied, “Seems a good idea. OK.” “Who is blah…blah…blah…When was the blah…blah….blah…What is the blah…blah…blah…” The monsters got so dizzy and fell unconscious not knowing what to answer with Silver’s unending quiz bee narrations. “Laki kasi sa gatas.” said Silver with a sheepish smile.

9. Kelvinonian Ideas 2.0: He was on his way to school sporting that funky outfit and hairstyle and a pro-camera dangling on his shoulder. Students suddenly screamed while others jumped off from the second floor of the school building. Chug…Chug…Chug… “Who are you?” Kelvin asked. “We are here to kill you!” Chak! Chak! Chak! Kelvin took pictures of the dark legions and got them blinded by his camera’s thundering flash. He immediately manipulated the pics off his laptop, tweak some stuffs and clicked “save”. In an instant, the monsters turned into miniature toys and screensavers.

10. Barrio Siete: The barrio council convened already on what to do and everyone is now ready with their bolos, talong, patola, kalabasa, okra and upo in hand. The barrio kapitana shouted, “Let us chorva the uglibesh monsters with our chenez weapons!” To this all the barangay tanods shouted in response, “Chorvahin sila!” An army of ugly creatures arrived and the skirmish commenced. Kapitan Reyz smashed the monsters with talong and patola while some of the tanods where wapakels in readying the cauldron. “Winers na attech. The monster pakbet is now ready mga chorvalors!” shouted the kapitana. And the feast started.

The remaining monsters went back to their Master badly wounded and feeling defeated.

“Master, those Knights and Warriors were just so strong. Our army was defeated.”

Darth Vader turned from his back from what he was busy doing in the computer and starred with great anger to his minions.

“Dimwits! Stop the crap! Go occupy those seats and now make your own lists of Top Ten Nominees. Let us all defeat those suckers in the remaining four voting weeks.”

“Yes boss! But could you teach us how to make a blog account?”

“Ask those Jedi Bloggers, you nutheads!”

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Emerging Influential Blogger Project: Join me in this writing project and nominate your own list of Knights to defend the blogosphere from the invasion of the evil Darth Vader. The epic story above is my participation to the Emerging Influential Blogs of 2009 of Ms. Janette Toral.

Disclaimer: All characters in this short epic battle are all fictional. Any resemblance of characters to real life are mere coincidence. Violent reactions, disputes on the storyline and characterizations should solely be expressed on the comment form.

image from Chad Santos

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84 Comments → “Top Ten Emerging Influential Blogs – The Return of the Darth Vader”

Laugh Till You Drop; The Unlikely Clown at Your Sidebar

6 months ago

[...] some more mga friends? Eto are the translations of the ginawa kong post sa Top Ten Emerging Influential Blogs: The Return of Darth Vader before. Specially featured ay the translations of my malupit na action-packed na posts about Roy, [...]

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Pett

6 months ago

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Bill Bartmann

6 months ago

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